body first

Body First is not a book you read from beginning to end. It is a book you open when your body needs somewhere to land. Compiled from four years of handwritten journal entries, written across four languages and gathered here in English, with traces of Dutch. This is a collection of somatic prose from a neurodivergent Brown journaler navigating grief, desire, rest, chaos, and the slow return to self. Each passage lives on its own. There are fourteen chapters, but no required order. A guide at the front tells you where to begin based on what your body is carrying today. You might start with grief. You might start with wanting. You might start somewhere you didn't expect. The doodles are hand-drawn. The voice is lowercase. The words came before the book did. Body First was written for the ones who were told they are too much and for anyone whose nervous system has been waiting for something that finally speaks its language.